Saddest day in my life

I am very sad right now. Undoubtedly the saddest day in my life thus far. It's about my ex-girlfriend. The first and only one I had. If you don't like emo stuff do not read any further.

We've been dating on and off for about 6 months last year. We broke up for good last December and haven't talked much since. But I still liked her, in fact, I could have safely said I loved her until today. Then the last 2 weeks I have been calling her more and more frequently because school was over and I started thinking about her again. She was nice and polite on the phone but always seemed to be monotone. Not like when we used to talk on the phone for hours about random gibberish. I fooled myself into thinking she had feelings for me left hidden deep insider her heart somewhere and that I just needed the right spark to ingnite her feelings again. My mood swings cover the whole ends of my emotions spectrum and tonight it was really low. I wanted to talk to her so I called her. On the phone, I brought back memories of how much fun we had together, how she would do this or that for me, and me likewise. Then I asked her to give me another chance because I really believed it was worth this last risk. She said it wouldn't work out. I was unfazed and said I'll keep going for her.

Her: What if I have a boyfriend?
Me: ...in the case I'll respect your decision. But until then, I like you and won't give up.
Her: I'm with some other guy.

* silence *

What proceeded was not very manly of me. Tears falling from my eyes, I asked for answers that I knew wouldn't change anything even if I knew them. I was desperately trying to cling unto whatever I can from her. I thought I was always prepared for that answer, but I learned that you can never prepare for emotional shock in any way. What was really despicable of me was that I did not feel anger or frustration, but rather raw jealousy.

Which made me feel even worse. *Sigh* Why is the human creature so fickle?

In the end, I tried to scrap together whatever sense of pride and manliness I had in me.

Me: I want to say 2 things to you.
Her: Yes..?
Me: 1st, I want to let you know that you'll be the one I'll always miss.
Me: 2nd, I wish you the best of luck with your new relationship and hope that it be anything like ours.

Take care.