Blog blog blog

Oh snap,

Facebook has a new audio feature that lets you put a song on your Profile page. Its a nice feature but the more they add the uglier it looks, to me at least. Just hope it doesn't turn into AA.

Things are picking up pace with my painting job. Now that my team knows the whole procedure from beginning to end (well, most of it) hopefully we will beat our budget for the next projects because we're getting paid according to a system called piecework. I also start my second job as team leader this weekend, lifting air conditioners for $15/hour. To be honest, its a pretty neat event. I'm learning valuable practical hands-on stuff from these 2 jobs. (The second one I learn how to conserve energy in Ontario, not learn how to lift AC's)

Thats it for now :)

High on paint

My nose has never sniffed so much paint in one day lol! Its really messy too once you fuck up and gets really sticky. That plus working outdoors with a High of 27 degrees Celsius = not pleasant. But I think I'll stick around. I have nothing better to do anyway.

However I'm really hoping I can get some volunteer work done with the Toronto Society of Architects. I need to make a portfolio to get back into my program.

New Day

Its been months since I woke up this early (7:20 A.M at the moment). Got a new job in half an hour painting houses. Not the most ideal jobs but money is money. Let's see how the first day goes.

On a different note, yesterday night I finally finished setting up our aquarium in the basement. This is a beastly tank weighing in at 46 gallons especially for a first-timer like me, but thanks to the same Simon mentioned a couple post down my tank is up and running. Waiting for beneficial bacteria to develop in the tank before adding the fishes. This aquarium project cost me approximately $200 CND so far :/

BTW bacon is goddamn amazing.

Pathos

I meant to write a "Self-realisation: Part II" but that would require too much thinking about unhappy thoughts. I made a promise to myself to never be emo ever again. Why be sad when you can be happy? All you have to do is look at things differently.

Add an exclamation mark at the end of your name, it makes you more happy!

Speaking of emo, these kids need some help :/

(And I'm thinking to myself, L O L)

Self-realisation: Part I

Its been a couple of days now since I posted "Saddest day in my life". And how am I feeling now? Good. Not terrific, but still good.

The past 3 days I have been out drinking and partying with friends. On the first night, we went for dinner, then bowling then to a pub to drink. My friend Simon was there. On the way to the pub, Simon's ex calls him and asks to come. She came, brought some of her unannounced friends and pretty much chilled with us. At the end of the night I drove Simon home. I noticed he drank a lot back at the pub and now hes talking a lot to me, concerning his ex.

When we got to his house, we just sat in the car parked outside in the driveway and talked about his ex and mine.

The experiences we both had with our individual ex' was on such a high congruency level it shocked me to the point of realizing something. All this time I was fighting the battle myself because whenever I broke down emotionally and cried, it was to myself at night. Only 2 other of my closest friends knew how bad I took things. Yet sitting next to me was another man going through the exact experience as I am, possibly even worst.

It made me realise a lot of things. No matter how bad of a situation I am in, there are other people in this world right now who are having it 100 times worst and taking it better than me. My relationship case is not a unique one. I always thought that I was the only one to have such bad luck falling for that type of girl who is a one and only. How foolish I was. I just dug my own hole and couldn't climb out of it cause it was too big. I couldn't stop digging before because I didn't know how to. After taking a big step back, I have now come to terms with reality and am congruent with my life.

Its my life!

(See how its not just 'Its my life.' That would be emo, but my life is exciting! xD)

Feeling good

Or rather, I have a good feeling.

I hope what I'm going through is life changing, for the better.

But its too incoherent to say right now, so I won't say anything as of yet.

Theres an old saying...

Get the fuck out of the past.

Saddest day in my life

I am very sad right now. Undoubtedly the saddest day in my life thus far. It's about my ex-girlfriend. The first and only one I had. If you don't like emo stuff do not read any further.

We've been dating on and off for about 6 months last year. We broke up for good last December and haven't talked much since. But I still liked her, in fact, I could have safely said I loved her until today. Then the last 2 weeks I have been calling her more and more frequently because school was over and I started thinking about her again. She was nice and polite on the phone but always seemed to be monotone. Not like when we used to talk on the phone for hours about random gibberish. I fooled myself into thinking she had feelings for me left hidden deep insider her heart somewhere and that I just needed the right spark to ingnite her feelings again. My mood swings cover the whole ends of my emotions spectrum and tonight it was really low. I wanted to talk to her so I called her. On the phone, I brought back memories of how much fun we had together, how she would do this or that for me, and me likewise. Then I asked her to give me another chance because I really believed it was worth this last risk. She said it wouldn't work out. I was unfazed and said I'll keep going for her.

Her: What if I have a boyfriend?
Me: ...in the case I'll respect your decision. But until then, I like you and won't give up.
Her: I'm with some other guy.

* silence *

What proceeded was not very manly of me. Tears falling from my eyes, I asked for answers that I knew wouldn't change anything even if I knew them. I was desperately trying to cling unto whatever I can from her. I thought I was always prepared for that answer, but I learned that you can never prepare for emotional shock in any way. What was really despicable of me was that I did not feel anger or frustration, but rather raw jealousy.

Which made me feel even worse. *Sigh* Why is the human creature so fickle?

In the end, I tried to scrap together whatever sense of pride and manliness I had in me.

Me: I want to say 2 things to you.
Her: Yes..?
Me: 1st, I want to let you know that you'll be the one I'll always miss.
Me: 2nd, I wish you the best of luck with your new relationship and hope that it be anything like ours.

Take care.