You know, I thought I was at the lowest point of depression many times in the past 5 years of my life. The most notable one being when I broke up with Jeanne approximately 4 years ago, that was when I felt the most unstable and lost emotionally. It was at about this same time I started fucking up my school work. I failed a lot of courses and got suspended for a year from university. But I took it as a chance to prove myself and started to pick up my social and school life and started dating Julia. Things were hanging by a thread but I was content. Regrettably, being content is not good enough. Now I've been kicked out of school and no longer with Julia after 3 years of dating. I'll tell you, THIS IS the lowest point in my life. My self confidence is through the ground, I've shunned my friends, my parents, basically a miserably hollowed soul. I don't know if I have the strength to proceed, I keep telling myself things will pull through and the dark clouds will clear as long as I keep moving forward, but its incredibly hard to get out of this hole I've dug myself in. I probably won't read this post in a long while. I hate myself for being so cowardly, lazy, useless, unmanly. I hate myself. I regret so much in these past five years. How do I make up for five years of my life?
Sunday, September 26, 2010
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Everyone goes through rough patches, some may be rougher than others. At one point in my life, I committed a serious criminal offense and I thought to myself -> this is over, my record will forever have a big black X on it. 1-2 years later I'm still worrying about how this will affect the opportunities I have in my life.-> I won't get the exact same chance as anyone else lookig for a job, i'll be restricted in the country I reside in...So many doubts and uncertainties...
Thinking back, there were one thing that gave me strength to get over it - the love from my family, friends and peers. When you have people to encourage you on a daily basis it makes difference. Aside from the unchangable past - really talk to someone who can give you a third person point of view.
Your pillars of support are always here if you want to talk.
Leonardo
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